Baby Got Loot
By Aras Sivad
I like big hoards and I cannot lie You other Rogues can't deny That when a Wyrm walks in with an itty bitty neck And a big gem in your face You get rich, gonna clear the room 'Cause you know that dungeon’s stuffed
Deep in the caves, be wary I'm stealthing and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, let’s roll Initiative And take your riches My party tried to warn me But that loot you got makes me so greedy
Ooh, shiny wyrm skin You say you wanna get new plate? Well, heal me, heal me 'Cause I ain't got a lot of HP
I've seen them fightin’ To hell with this lightnin'
Wyrm's big, quick
And damn her hide is thick
I'm tired of Paladins Sayin' that I can’t loot these thieves Take the average Rogue and ask her that She gotta pack much loot
So, party! (Yeah!) Party! (Yeah!) Has your Fighter got that sword? (Hell yeah!) Tell 'em to swing it! (Swing it!) Swing it! (Swing it!) Swing that +1 Sword! Baby got loot!
(Dragon face with piles o’ booty) Baby got loot! (Dragon face with piles o’ booty) (Dragon face with piles o’ booty)
I like 'em shiny, and rare And when I'm throwin' a dagger I just can't help myself, wild shapin’ to an animal
Now here's my scandal I wanna get a rest And ugh, Multi-Class, ugh, ugh I ain't talkin' bout gems or gold 'Cause I’m taking them babies from a kobold
I want 'em real thick and juicy So find that juicy double Paladin's in trouble Beggin' for a hit of that potion
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah) If you wanna roll my new dice! (Yeah!) Then turn around! Roll ‘em out! Even Orc boys got to shout Baby got loot!
Baby got loot! Yeah, baby... when it comes to Dragon hoards, Faerun ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. 3,600 silver? Ha ha, only if she's level 3.
So your girlfriend rolls a Halfling,
Playin' DND with Marty But we ain't got a Ranger in our party
My Bag of Holding don’t want none Unless you've got loot, hun
You can do side trips or plot-hooks, But please don't lose that hoard Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role And tell you that the joke ain't gold So they toss it and leave it And Bards pull up quick to retrieve it
So Vecna says you're fat Well I ain't down with that! 'Cause your wyrm is big and your gold is kickin' And I'm thinkin' bout stealin'
To the magical girls in the mezzanine: You get loot, Miss Thing! I roll a save, I can't resist her She even called me Mister
Some knucklehead tried to diss 'Cause he thought girls cant play He had game but he dissed 'em And I pull up quick to play wit 'em
So ladies, if the bounty’s large, And you want a throw down some dice, Dial 1-900-SORCERY And kick them dragon’s butts Baby got loot! Baby got loot!